Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
