I just cut my nipple shaving
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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