I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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