I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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