really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
