I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
