Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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