lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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