i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
