Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
