Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
