I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
