it was like eating out sand paper
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
