so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
