have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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