I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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