I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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