Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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