my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
