whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
