I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
