i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
