Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I deserve this hangover.
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