I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
