i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
