Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
