So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
