life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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