summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
