Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm at about main and main street
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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