just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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