dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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