Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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