I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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