Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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