So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
