i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
