I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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