Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
