Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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