im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
