Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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