im drinking this country out of the recession.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
