My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
