My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
