Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
