Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
