I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
