So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
