3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
