Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
