I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
