she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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