well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize