I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
