I'm pants shitting drunk right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pants are for mortals
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
