he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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