i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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