all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
