wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
false alarm. still invincible.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
do herpes really smell.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
