In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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