Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
